I slipped into the Bluestockings for the release party of the RFD Reclaiming issue. Bluestockings were not part of my attire. It’s an “infoshop/activist bookstore/café run by volunteers and worker owners as a collective. This women’s bookstore dedicated to social justice is a safe haven for us queer folk to do our thing.
I was running on rainbow time and entered upon a circle, or rather, some kind of oblong form where everyone was standing together holding hands and being led to breath deeply. I tip toed in, welcomed by some smiles and eyes.
Covelo, Endora and Lobelia read parts of the articles they wrote (summer 2009), followed by a heart circle. And the stories really began.
I didn’t know that the Radical Faeries were born around the same time as the Reclaiming Tradition of Witchcraft, and kind of grew up next to each other, inspiring each other. The room was full of folks sharing stories of activism with Starhawk, moments with Harry Hay, the first faerie gathering , and even stories of stonewall!
The talisman moved widdershins, or counter clockwise, and caused a bit of a stir. It was fitting, though, as we circled back thru time (10 years of Destiny, 30 years of faeriedom and 40 years since Stonewall). This was sharing history, and herstory.
Of all the things spoken that night, the thing that really hit me was when Covelo talked about that sense of “being home” that washes over you in faerie space. I hear that all the time. “Welcome home!” at camp, and “I feel so at home.”, or “there’s no place like home.” I remembered, from day one, this was true for me too.
My first faerie experience was a heart circle at the LGBT Center in NYC about 6 or 7 years ago, I can’t remember exactly. (Faerie years are the opposite of dog years, 7 years feels like only 1 J) I kept looking at the little blurb in the Center guide for the Radical Faeries, wondering what the hell it was. I was a pagan looking for queer folks to practice magic, and this seemed like it could be on the right track. With out knowing anything about them, I followed that little tingling inside and showed up.
I came into a room of total strangers, some stranger than others. Christopher who was leading the circle at the time came right up to me with a warm welcome, the kind that you don’t usually receive in New York. As a New Yorker, I am suspicious of extreme friendliness. But Christopher was sincere. He was in a platinum blonde bob, and cherry lipstick around a huge smile of southern hospitality. That was nice, and it melted the ice, but it wasn’t when I felt at home.
It was in the middle of the heart circle, I suddenly realized that I was completely relaxed in my own body. I’m not used to this at all, but it felt damn good. How did it happen? Was it being in queer space, some weird magic, or was it that some folks were bordering on the outrageous, making it ok to be whatever I am? I don’t know, but I was unexpectedly and sensuously comfortable in my own skin. I was home.
There was talk about a faraway place called Short Mountain, where some wild Beltane celebration happens. They talked about going there, as if it were Oz. Being at Short Mountain during Beltane would blow your mind, open your heart and give you the courage to be yourself. When it was time to collect some money for rent of the room, no hat was passed. Christopher waved his hand toward a huge tent that he had erected and told us to throw money into it. It was a prosperity spell for those who were trying to get to the Mountain. It was fun. We drummed and danced. Some folks were dancing naked, and everyone, including myself, acted like that was the most natural and normal thing in the world. (cause it is!)
The circle was good, but it was the sense of “being home” that kept me coming back. The circles helped me to relax and breathe freely, to speak and know I was heard, and be able to listen in return. I become witty and played with words, and laughed. I flirted, I touched and was touched. What a relief to leave my ”self” behind and relax into my SELF.
Ok, I know this sound cheesy, but my heart opened. Yes, indeed. Radical Faeries space, with all it’s complications, challenges and personalities, makes me feel at home, and as our friend Dorothy tells us, “There’s no place like home.” It’s true.
I made it to almost every heart circle. They were held monthly at the Center. I was still too timid to go to faerie parties and events. I don’t know what I though would happen. I had imagined these wild Bacchanalian situations, with lots of drugs and fucking and puking rooms, and I didn’t know if I was ready for it, but heart circles I could do.
The simple magic of the heart circle worked its way with me. I love how a little flake of an idea can become an overall arching giant snowball rolling around the room. Or times when someone is able to share, and catharses happens. Or the love and healing wishes being sent to folks not at the circle. Or someone pointing out something curious to mentally chew on. Or something profound. Or simply giggles and laughter and joy abound.
One night and intense discussion broke out that lasted about four hours. I noticed that four very fixed opinions and personalities had emerged and they were sitting opposite each other, like four points of a square. As an Astrologer, I recognized that we manifested a Grand Cross (when four points are in four near perfect 90 degree angles). This was also happening in the stars at that very moment! I was amazed. That was the night Christopher, exacerbated, announced that he was letting go of leading the circle, and letting go of NYC altogether to move to Short Mountain. Not all circles are easy.
After he departed, John Collis took up the torch. He and a few regulars, like Nancy and Sally, kept the circle happening. But interest from the community was dying out. Somehow along the way, an idea was floating around: The new Center wasn’t like the old Center, and fae folks didn’t like being there. Maybe it was because the price of rent went up, or because the place was remodeled, or the high drama that stirred at the last open ritual, or perhaps because some faerie said so, I don’t know.
The Faeries had a long history of meeting at the center, but this chapter was coming to an end.
Sometimes when John couldn’t make it, some of us, myself included, would step up. Those circles were small, but they were great circles. There were usually about 3 to 8 faeries. They fed my soul.
One time the circle was this new guy and me, that’s all. “What’s Radical Faeries?” he asked. Damn, I still don’t know how to quite answer that question. Lately I’ve been saying something like, the crossroads where queer spirituality, queer politics, queer community, and/or social events meet. Sometimes it’s all of this, sometimes none, but it’s an adventure with a touch of madness, freedom and joy. I don’t know. Do you?
You know, it doesn’t matter if you know or not. It doesn’t matter if you know the history or were part of the history, or created the Faeries, or were another set of folks who also created the Faeries, or spent years living at a camp, or built the camp. It doesn’t matter if you marched on Washington, or pulled that meter out of the ground at Stonewall, never wore a dress, or simply arrived at your first circle, the magic is in our blood. All you have to do is sit and breathe and listen and laugh and touch and look in the eyes, and you know, you are home.
Conversations started online, with folks who were no longer coming to heart circles; a call to end the circle at the center. I must say that I was miffed. I guess I had become attached to our little meetings at the Center. For a few years, I was in a very small bubble. A bubble that did not include the rest of the NY Faeries, especially not the queens who were raising a stink in this online campaign ( This is not directed harsh on my part. I honestly don’t even know or care who “they” were, I wasn’t even online at the time. It’s probably all folks I know and love by now. This is just what went down). The heart circle, and a little bit of drumming at gay pride were all I knew. I wasn’t even on a NY list, and had no idea what else was going on.
Why would people want to have heart circle in apartments around the city? That’s Crazy! How would new folks find us? Why were folks who didn’t even come to the circle having a say? But it was getting to the point that a small few of us were carrying the circle, and the cost of the center was pressing upon us, and honestly, although I didn’t want to admit it, it wasn’t working anymore.
I put out a call for one last heart circle, to see if we could invigorate the circle at the center to grow….it didn’t. (though we did have a beautiful last circle there) The winds of change had already blown, and folks wanted to try something new, which was apparently something old. People used to have fabulous parties at their homes, I had heard. But with the cost of rent skyrocketing in the city, people were moving to the outer edges of the city, making it harder to gather.
I think Daisy was one of the first to have a heart circle/pot luck/drum circle/party, and had a huge turnout. Another party happened at Heathcliffs, with the stipulation of no heart circle, which sent John Collis grumbling in a corner for a while. I kept hearing his Australian protest above the din, “We just have to have more heart circles!”
One happened in Brooklyn at Jonathan’s, who lived with a few other faeries occupying at least 2 apartments in the building. The circle happened on the first floor apartment, and it was so packed it filled two adjoining rooms. The party was hopping upstairs til the wee hours too. It was a blast.
A heart circle was supposed to happen at Mo’s place uptown, and a few of us got there and hung around laughing with him, which is business as usual. Then he told us he wanted to show us something and took us to a nearby public roof garden. We sat laughing some more, asking why only “heart” circles? Why don’t the other organs get the same respect and attention. We sang songs like, “Don’t go breaking my Liver”, “I believe that my Kidneys go on,” “You’ve got to have Skin, miles and miles and miles of Skin,” and “Total Eclipse of the Colon.” The actual circle, heart nor otherwise, never occurred. But our small counsel did decide that a heart circle, or even a lung circle is far better than a brain circle. ( Nothing against the Brain, I like to brainstorm, but most conversations in western culture are already brain circles….enough already!)
Pistol Pete threw a sober party, asking people to drink and drug before or after but not at his place. He was hating on heart circles and refused to have one that night. At his next party though, Pete, to my total shock and amazement, threw a one spontaneously! What a pleasure.
Faerie events happen all over. Steve plays in the Petite Garden, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence hold a psychic event to raise money for Silvia’s Place, Blaze and John have a late night indi film fest, Flood gets folks to march on Washington, the Countessa holds court at The Meeting (his cabaret and skits on the queer agenda) at the Duplex, or someone throws a party just because.
I didn’t think it would happen. Thought the community was too scattered and spread, or maybe didn’t care anymore. But it’s happening. Faerie magic. Circles and community.
On the first New Moon of January 2010, an eclipse, I had a Heart Circle in my home, my first. I panicked for a brief moment, not sure what it would bring. You know how you fear either no one or everyone will come. Of course, there were a perfect amount of folks that I was genuinely happy to see, and we had good food and a beautiful circle.
I’ve learned to be more comfortable in general, but there is still something that happens during the first round of shares in a circle. It’s usually the moment where I notice my posture changes, reminding me of Qu’an Yin in a royal pose, or perhaps how Greek folks might have lounged during the party that inspired Plato’s Symposium. I sink into my body and I’m myself, relaxed and listening and loving.
This time though, I realized what a gift it was to be able to host that experience for everyone else, knowing that most other people were sinking into themselves at that moment too. It gave me a deep sense of pleasure and peace. It wasn’t just me experiencing my own “being home”, it was giving my brothers and sisters space to feel “being home” too.
Today, I’m so very glad I followed that little tingle and joined the faeries.
Welcome Home.
Delphi
Delphi is a Faerie living in NYC. He’s a Singer/Actor/Dancer and Performing Artist, as well as a Writer and Director. He’s also been seen as an Astrologer, Tarot and Rune reader, Reiki and Polarity practitioner, certified Yoga Teacher….damn this girl is a renaissance man! Big kisses to everyone! XO
